Hello all, it is formally our LAST Jerzday for a while since it is the Jersey Shore Family Vacation FINALE. This season has actually gone on so long, I can’t even think it. What did I utilized to do on Thursdays? Did I have hopes, dreams maybe? Did I have good friends? When I’m no longer shackled to MTV, I will discover out next week. Since quite much absolutely nothing fascinating has actually occurred, #peeee

I question if this season has actually gone on so long. We open this episode in the middle of a crazy-ass battle in between that a person Fat Shamer person that informed Ronnie he has more loan than him and his stripper sweetheart who dislikes Angelina. It’s like manufacturers resembled, “Oh lastly, something occurred! We can end the program now!”

Angelina is attempting to assault the other woman, Jenni tossed a beverage on her, there is shrieking, chairs being tossed, pregnant Deena escaped, it is overall turmoil. The person and the stripper are beyond the bar after security moved them out and the woman begins assaulting the man! Ronnie resembles, “oh I absolutely would have punched him, oh well,” as the person’s own gf punched him in the face.

Ron: She had a fantastic ideal hook!

Snooki is so delighted with herself, she’s like packing her confront with chips and resembles, “We can still toss down, do not f * ck with us.” Pretty sure she concealed behind Jenni for the entire battle however fine. Ronnie is likewise patting himself on the back for not doing anything, in reality he compares himself to Moses.

Ron: Yeah, everybody simply followed me outdoors.
Snooki: Didn’t Moses break the water?
Ron: I’m really spiritual.
Angelina: Moses had all the animals on the boat.
Ron: That was Noah.
Angelina: Nicole, Moses wasn’t the one with the animals, he’s the one with the-
Snooki: That’s Adam and Eve.
Ron: Moses parted the Red Sea, however I’m 95% sure that Jesus came. Well Adam and Eve came, then Jesus-
Snooki: I love Jesus.

This has actually been Bible Study, Jerzday edition. I simply lost a couple of brain cells. Vinny has actually had enough. It’s 4am and the Spiral Squad has inflamed him to the point of rising.

Angelina: Adam and Eve banged to make more individuals, then Moses parted the sea, so Noah constructed the ark for animals, and Jesus rode on the boat.

Oh my God, you believe this can’t get any dumber, however this is when Snooki notifies Ang that Jesus flew in. Most Likely on Spirit Airlines, according to Ron. Oh hey, I simply got that. Angelina is now explaining how she likes to utilize the restroom on planes and she’s quite sure that her, um, excrement, flies off the airplane and strikes pedestrians in the face. I swear to God, I’m getting dumber seeing this program. RIP to my last 2 brain cells. It’s been great understanding ya.

“The gang is going to some type of blood structure fundraising event thing with Deena and her household given that her father passed away of leukemia. They’re all like, “what a best end to our journey,” and I’m over here like, “huh that sounds incredibly f * cking tiring to view.” I’m all for charity however like, they might have done this by themselves time. I wish to view them get hammered and battle– that’s all I anticipate from these individuals.

They’re all speaking about who’s concerning the fundraiser and it results in how Angelina’s sex life is trash, which naturally results in shouting “Angelina Hasn’t Gotten Plowed In A Long Time” in a cult-like style. This triggers Vinny to get all riled up and he gets on top of Angelina and starts to hump her. Wtf, Vinny, this may be why she believes you wish to f * ck her. Somebody tube him off! He’s like among my mama’s Yorkies. Calm yourself, man!

Ang is worried the roomies will sing their enjoyable brand-new tune to Chris (aka Thumb Thumb), however like, perhaps do not sh * t on your sex life to other individuals (and hi, on TELEVISION) if you do not desire it to return to him?

Ronnie gets on his phone and hurries outdoors. What occurred now? Who did Jen f * ck? Oh sh * t, Jen was robbed. I likewise discovered by means of subtitles stating that Jen is on the phone that Jen is actually “Jenn”. Obviously that’s how she spells it. Okay, sorry, I will not tease her registered nurse, she was robbed!

Some person was available in through the back entrance while she and the child were house and raided the location. That is soooo frightening. This is why individuals require pets. Well like, among a million factors. It’s like, factor one: adorable, factor 2: cuddly, factor 3: burglaries.

Pauly believes Jen, sorry, JENN is lying to speak to Ronnie. Jenn is remaining in your house regardless of the burglary and Ron resembles, “that makes no sense,” which reasonable point. Ron states that Jenn discovered a bag of bullets in the yard? Ooookay, that is sounding quite phony. Why would the burglar simply leave those? Do not most burglars enjoy the home? Like, they understand if somebody is house. I view a great deal of real criminal offense, I’m essentially a specialist here. We have to ask ourselves: is Jenn that insane? And you understand what? She absolutely is!

Mike: I’m bewildered if that’s a word.

It’s absolutely a word. I’m slightly pleased he understands that. Okay wait. Here’s the tea. Jenn moved out of Ronnie’s home. A DAY LATER she gets robbed at her home. The burglar left a box of bullets on the Jacuzzi. Is he the worst burglar ever? This home has been deserted for months, and now is the time to rob it, when they’re plainly back residing in it? Ronnie informed Jen to please go back to his home so she’s * safe *.

Vinny resembles, “I do not wish to be insensitive, however it sounds unusual,” and Pauly shuts that down and resembles, “none of this sh * t took place, it’s a huge fat lie, Jenn’s a lying phony.” And Vin is all, “oh cool, I didn’t need to state it.” And Pauly’s like, “no burglar would leave a box of bullets, like I rob homes for a living.” The women need to know what was taken. Obviously all that is taken is a laptop computer and a phone. To which they’re like, “why would anybody burglarize a home to take a phone?” Strong point. Phones can be tracked.

The men believe this is so on brand name for Jenn that they can’t even respond seriously about it and are more worried about whether Ron wishes to include them for a hairstyle. This does not even make the list of Jenn’s Greatest Hits, which according to the people, are as follows:

• dragging Ron with a cars and truck
• smashing the TVs with a golf club
• slapping and spitting on Ron on TELEVISION

The women believe it either is a total lie or she had among her good friends do it. It’s just a matter of time prior to Ron gets drawn back into this sham of a relationship.

Vin: There was Taken 1. Taken 2. Taken 3. Now there is Taken Ronnie.

Ronnie believes the burglars took her phone so she could not call for assistance however that’s like, the only thing they took. Deena informs him his life is a bad film, and Ron resembles, “no, it’s a tv program. “Then he breaks the 4th wall and looks straight into the cam. I do not value Ron taking a look at me, make him stop it. And Deena resembles, “NO RON, it’s a BAD motion picture.”

The people go to lunch with Ron and attempt to inform him that this break-in is plainly a lie. Mike informs him it’s simply really not likely to have a house intrusion and get run over by a vehicle in the very same month. I do not understand the statistics on that, however I can not think this has actually just been a month in Jersey time. We’ve seen like their every waking minute then for a month for this season? Pauly straight-up informs him that this a story “summoned”. Ronnie resembles, “Jenn would not do that.”

Anyone who’s experienced even 10 seconds of Jenn’s actions:

Vinny: I dated this lady who had asthma and whenever I attempted to break up with her she ‘d provide herself an asthma attack and send herself to the medical facility.

I feel personally assaulted registered nurse. Ronnie does not believe she ‘d make that up with the infant around, however I believe that’s even more factor she would do it. She’s holding it over him to actually freak him out and make him consume over her and the infant.

Deena believes if it was her, she would right away fly house and make certain her kid is all right, which like, asset. Likewise this is Jenn’s strategy! Like in regular situations, that is 100% what he ought to do, however she is doing this to get him to go nuts and go house.

They all prepare and go to the fundraising event. They organize conga line design and Pauly manages them with his loudspeaker to shout their Angelina tune while they fist pump out the door. Other than now it seems like Angelina-Ain’t-Got-Pounded-Out-In-A-Long-Time. Is that what they were constantly stating? Did I unintentionally fix their grammar in my head since my bad, vulnerable ears could not take it? Angelina is joyously shouting along, since “it holds true”.

The back of Vin’s t-shirt states Keto Guido, that makes this possibly his 11th t-shirt that is Keto-related . Pauly’s states Prank War Champion. I can’t see anybody else’s. The occasion is for Be The Match and they motivate individuals to contribute money and register to see if they’re a possible donor for the database, which is quite cool. Danny appears and made all the t-shirts for the occasion. Everybody’s households appear. Ron’s handing out Won Juice. Ang’s fianc reveals up and Vinny gets extremely envious and is all, “no it’s not uncomfortable, whatever’s cool,” and then chooses to arrange everybody to do the Angelina chant on phase in front of stated fianc. That’s simply terrible.

Yeah Vin, you’re absolutely not attempting to destroy their relationship. Pauly begins DJ-ing. Vin is hosting the live auction and gets everybody up on phase. Ron’s t-shirt states Spiral Squad. The very first auction product: Touch Pauly D’s blowout. Some chick straightup pays $875 to touch his hair. Where do these thots get a lot pocket money?

Next product: Take a shot with Snooki. Are they conscious they can simply spend time any bar in Jersey and do this totally free? According to Snooks, she’s now a “floor-amplithist”. Numerous individuals quote on this that Snooki has to take like 9 shots which is 100% how she will pass away of alcohol poisoning. She’s a small thing, she weighs like 11 pounds. Vinny calls her an artwork (however when I take 9 shots in a row I’m “verging on alcohol addiction” ok). Snooks does it and raises $2,400.

Jenni’s contribution is to dance with somebody. She raises $840. Angelina has a garbage bag race and gets $725. Ronnie arm battles for $900, Mike has a meatball consuming contest for $1,200. Like wtf Mike, you might have paid your taxes if you understood this was what individuals desired.

You may believe that Vinny is so included with raising cash for a terrific cause that he forgets he’s a petty, petty bitch. You would be incorrect. When Vinny chooses to relay through microphone to everybody that Angelina’s sex life draws, since that’s.

Jenni: [Angelina] Since this isn’t going to last after that tune, may as well go on to her 4th engagement.

Vinny then persuades the crowd into a chant straight to Chris that ANGELINA-AIN’T-GOT-POUNDED-OUT-IN-A-LONG-TIME. Chris looks embarrassed and Vinny is extremely delighted with himself. They raised $40,145, which is likewise amazing however insane.

They’re all like, whatever is sunlight and rainbows, we’re ending on a high note, blah blah. This is dull af. And after that it simply ends. They end up the episode with “in memory of” Deena’s dad and Vin’s uncle and it’s all simply a bit too WHOLESOME for me. Like, excellent for you men.

And easily we’re devoid of the scaries of the Jersey Shore Since MTV does not desire us to be totally free, for most likely like 3 weeks prior to it begins once again. Let me understand what you thought about this season in the remarks, and if you’ll be back for season 3! If you require me I’m going to pound shots, now.

Images: Giphy; MTV